best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it was like eating out sand paper
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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