do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
