Please, let me fuck your mom
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
