i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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