do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
