Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
