wat bout pragnant strippers??
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
