I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
