you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
