I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
