true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
