capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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