Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
