Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
