dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
