DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
