At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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