she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
