If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hippo gnu deer
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
