sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
