Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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