So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
