Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
