I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
