if you like me you must not know who I am
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
