We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
