I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
