If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
