Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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