This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I need to calm my uterus...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
