i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
