He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
