He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
