the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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