LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
