dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
