Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
