i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
