Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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