I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
