If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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