Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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