the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
