so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
