wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
