See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
FUCK WHALES
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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