We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
