You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
whose parrot is this?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
