Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
