I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
